I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
