Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
