I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize