Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just had sex on a roof
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
