my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
