Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
