When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
