guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
