I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
