your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
