So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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