Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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