So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
