I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
