apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
