Umm I'm too high to move.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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