whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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