you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
