Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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