Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
