don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize