she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
