Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
