I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize