You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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