I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
