Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
