Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
