There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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