you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
