i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
