I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize