Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
