well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
