i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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