Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love you.
Bad choice
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