I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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