thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
