So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
