I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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