I hate your face
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize