loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
