i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
