No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
