Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
