i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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