Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
