So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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