mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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