Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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