Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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