I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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