Having a random hookup so left but love u
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish you could order shots online.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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