Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
