Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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