just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
