Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My feet surprised me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
