I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
