At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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