i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize