just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
