i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
