His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
