Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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