Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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