yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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