Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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