She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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