i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize