When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
They left me at home... I'm a liability
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
