So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
