dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need to sanitize my soul.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
