holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
