i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
