Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ladies don't puke and tell
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
