just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
