hell yes lets make some ravioli
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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