and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
