i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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