so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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