...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize