u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
