this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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