Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
