I intend to get homeless drunk
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
