Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
