She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
