Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
