I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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