I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
