Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
