I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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