ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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