If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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