i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
