literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
