Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
