I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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