Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize