My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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